current location: Study table
current music: Here We Go Again (acoustic) by Paramore.
Let me just clear up that I just woke up. I slept really early yesterday and woke up at 2:30 am. I just showered, washed my hair, and despite the freshness that I'm suppose to feel, I'm not feeling good.
It sounds cliché, but Paramore is the only reason right now (at 3:30 am) I'm feeling a little bit of happiness.
Anyway, you heard it first from me that Riot! The Musical might be off. And by 'might' I mean 70%. Yes, I haven't told anyone outside this room yet. And I'm alone in my room (with Paramore, but haha). I haven't told YaNab yet, and they'll bite my head off.
I'm sorry, I was in my bed yesterday and I thought about this whole thing for about an hour. Riot! TM would take too much of my time, money and energy. I knew this a long time ago, but I didn't think that it would be THIS hard. And we don't really have finance support. We don't get any allowance or budget. So, if anything, I will have to sponsor. And recently, I'm worried about my SPM.
And.. well, there's many reasons.
One also being that I am not an experienced producer/director or whatever. And there's no drama teacher in school that can help us (I miss you, Ms. Nala!). And the school administration is not willing to help. Basically, it's just us form 5s handling it all. And I'm pretty sure the teachers will make noise by May if we're still painting props.
Haih, I really wanted this to happen. When I first thought of the idea, I was excited, and I didn't think that it would happen. And then, I cried (I cry a lot, I'm sorry) when I finished writing the script, thinking that "Oh my, this was my dream months ago, and I thought that it wouldn't happen, but we're halfway there". Only now I realize, we are NOT halfway there, we are not even NEAR halfway. a-quarterway. Heck, maybe much less than that.
I'm sorry to whoever had works their asses out, I've worked mine off, but I think this is as much as I can go.
I've been thinking this through the night, and I didn't sleep too peacefully. Having dreams of people singing and dancing on stage.
And this is why I think this motto is appropriate right now. As much as I tell myself that, I don't have determination to continue Riot! TM. The only motivation I have is Paramore (heck, that was how it all started), but the stress seems to overcome my determination.
"This is how we dance,
When they try to take us down,
This is how we sing out loud,"
AND NOW, YOU CAN'T TURN BACK, BECAUSE THIS ROAD IS ALL YOU'LL EVER HAVE.
p.s - Keep telling yourself that, Sakina.
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