I believe in karma. Trust me, I do. But what I understand from karma is that it will fall apart slowly and new things will start to build up. But this is just not how I'd describe karma. The whole wheel of karma is upside down.
"What Goes Around, Comes Around. What goes up, must come down" -Alicia Keys.
Ok, let me describe this.
1. Friends
Yes, I love them. I cherish them. But I feel unwanted and unappreciated. There are at times I feel left out. I'm not sure if it's because of just one person I feel that way. It's either me happy or she's happy. We both can't be happy together.
I did a mistake. Well, face it. Everyone makes mistake! Is that such a surprise. It's not like it was a big mistake. I said I was sorry.
And it's not my fault that I'm not cool enough or fashionable enough or girlie enough or talented enough to hang around. But who cares.
I feel worse everyday. Especially now that it's holidays and I don't see you guys and it makes me feel lonely thinking that maybe just maybe I'm not accepted.
This is particularly for one person but I'm just too depressed.
I don't have much friends out side school. So yeah, you can call me lonely. And it bugs me when my sister's friends come. It's like she (my sister) can't live a day without a friend.
2. Sister
She's getting on my nerves. I might explode one day. Lemme see.. She's to dependent. I have to do everything for her. From her freaking MacBook charger to telling the driver that she want's to go to her friend's house. I mean, what the fuck la man. If that you can't even help yourself with, I think chances are slim that you'll survive adulthood or life when you go to work or college.
Second, she has this habit of giving all the chores to me. It's like this hand-me-up stuff. When anyone ask her to do something she'll go like "Ask Kak Ina lah". Kak Ina meaning me. And I'll go like "I'm not doing that. It's meant for you". And she'll go "Why me?" and I'll go "Why not you?"!
And she thinks she's this cool person that everyone likes. Open your eyes and look yourself in the mirror. She'll call me me bitch and whatever she wants to call me.
There was once (a few hours ago actually), that our father asked her to pass him this jug and she was like "Kak Ina, go get it". I was like staring at her. Unbelievable bitch. My mom was like "Aishah, papa asked you. Why don't you get it" but instead she said "I'm holding something in my hand". And I snapped at her "I'm sick of this".
She'll only help if she wants something. Like that time, she asked our father for MacBooks, she'll go and get drinks for him. Ugghhh.. Materialistic bitch.
I'm really sick of this. If you're reading this. Change please. Or else I'm thinking of staying at Nabilah's house for the rest of my holiday.
3. Guys
This is not really a big problem as I'm not really interested in getting a boyfriend. But, it's amazing how what boys DON'T DO TO YOU CAN AFFECT HOW YOU FEEL.
Yeah, you read that right. These guys, I see them around me like flirting with my friends and not acknowledging my presence. It doesn't bother me that they flirt with the other girls. But being left alone like that makes me feel unwanted.
It's not my fault that I'm not as hot as some people. Or as cheap as some people. I like the way I am and I don't care if you don't like me or whatever because of how I look or how I appear as.
Reality check bastards! You're not my type. I believe that there's a guy for me out there and I'm not ready to find out who he is.
My number one ultimate rule to date me "YOU MUST LIKE ME FOR WHO I AM. NOT BECAUSE OF MONEY OR HOW I LOOK".
Well, generally, that's how I feel.
There's a lot more though. But that'll be a lil bit TOO PERSONAL.
Thanks for listening.
I feel a lot better now.
♥
Sakina
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