The urgency to think about you.

I woke up, thinking that every memory will still be with me. Instead, I woke up alone, not feeling whole. The rain pouring outside reflecting my emotions and I half wished that I could be as free as the rain; being able to cry and not being asked why. A part of me is still missing; suspended somewhere in the darkness of yesterday; or the day before. I don't think I want it back. Because if I were to have it back, it'll still be pretty useless. 

This is all fucked up. I have other things to worry about. I'm just not in a mood for anything today. Why do we have to live like this?! Can't we all just live in honesty and get along with it. 

I woke up, went to the toilet, brushed my teeth and grabbed my laptop onto my bed. I felt sick. My room was still cold and I had my thick sweater on me. And so, here I am, online; hoping that it will actually do some good to me, but so far, nothing.

And then, my dad knocked on the door. "Ina, wake up!! We're going out for lunch!". 

I grunted. First, I was already awake. Second, I don't want to go anywhere. And third, I have tuition homework to do before 4 o'clock. 

And dude, assessment week! We're not suppose to go anywhere!

I still have some memories with you, it's all up in my room. But whenever I look at it, I'll break down and feel hopeless again. So why bother? If the memories were so sweet, it  is suppose to make me smile; but instead, it's doing the otherwise. 

But yet again, it's your decision isn't it?! So, why do I even bother writing all these stuffs down. It's not like anything I write will change your mind.

Wait, I know why I bother. Because you are some part of my happiness. Most; of my happiness, actually. 

I'm too lazy to do anything right now. I want Aishah to wake up and I'm going to cry on her shoulders. She's the only person I can talk to right now without feeling embarrassed and pathetic about it. 

Well, whatever happens, happens. I have no power to overcome fate. 

A bad day. I can sense.

♥ S

Till later then, or whenever I'll see you again.