Traumatized by my own dream.

A Friday. Supposedly a fun day, but the opposite for me. The weekends are almost here. I don't want to leave school! I look forward to go to it everyday! It has been my addictive drug for the past few weeks and now I'm taking a break from it.

I think I was being a bit too paranoid about it when I got home. I had lunch at home and went straight up to play the piano to take my mind of things. I was even then more paranoid as I realized that I couldn't concentrate on the notes that I have to play. My thoughts wandered around thinking about the same thing over and over again. Him. why can't I stop thinking about him?! I ask myself, but I can't seem to find the right answer.

The paranoia, stronger than I thought it was, was still haunting me. I picked up the guitar and played some songs. The drowsiness started to kick in and I put the guitar back on it's stand and dozed off.

-In Dreamland-

Exploded Sandwich

"Nab! Let's go to the form 5 class!" I shouted to Nabilah. The class, being as dark as it was, was as how I still remember it, dark. But in the class, was full with people. Jon, Razim and Gerald, who were in the classroom caught my attention. As I stepped in the class, they started roaring with laughter. Nabilah went straight to Razim's gang without even looking back at me. I headed towards the form 5 girls. 

After a short while, I noticed the green Tupperware in Gerald's hands. He opened it and offered everyone curry puffs. The green Tupperware was mine, but I was contemplating on whether it's safe for them to eat. Under the curry puffs was a layer of, what I hoped it wasn't, rotten sandwich

Unaware by the time that the curry puffs were finished, worms started coming out from the bottom and I heard a shriek. Everyone started throwing up by then and I panicked. 

For the next two days, those who ate the curry puffs were absent except for me, for some reason. I felt very bad, worse than a doctor who couldn't save a patient's life. 

The days passed by and my relationship with Jon started to grow further. For some reason, he still can't forgive me about the curry puff incident, when the rest did. Maybe because he suffered the worst. Jon was admitted to the hospital because one of the worms actually went into his tummy. 

Nabilah's betrayal

It was still in a same dream, but a different day, I can tell. Andrea was still absent, for some "personal" reason. And I was growing into a freak by each day. After the curry puff incident, they all still do hang out and talk to me, but with precaution. I was starting to feel isolated, but still accepted.

Nabilah was hassling me to accompany her to the Form 5s class. I was curious, but just followed. It was dark, how it was on the 'curry puff incident' day. 

She was walking in a strange, sexy way that it took me quite a while too interpret her movement. Razim was staring at her and suddenly all the pieces started to fit in. Razim. He was the reason. 

She dragged me into the class and went straight to Razim. I was too disgusted to watch and went and hung out with Jon instead. I was glaring at them from far. I could not believe that I was watching Nabilah, my good, close friend, doing all this. It was just not like her at all! 

I couldn't help it anymore. I stormed across the classroom and demanded Nabilah to follow me back to our class. She bent closer to Razim and whispered something in his ear. Razim nodded and ran his hands along Nabilah's back, gently and vulgarly. Tears were held back, and my heart beat was out of pace. Don't ask why, but I felt as if I have lost one of my best friends.

Andrea's unexpected twist

It has been almost a week since Andrea came to school. I missed her! And 'someone else' sure did. It was a Tuesday in school and I stayed back for fun. I noticed some of the form 5s were there too. I was too scared to go up to them. We, the form 5s and I, grew further apart. Almost not on talking basis now. Almost back to where it started. 

Suddenly, I saw a familiar figure, tailing away and laughing with the form 5s. I know her figure well enough to say that she was Andrea. I closed my eyes and shook my head, as an assurance that it wasn't my longing for her presence that was distracting my sight. When I opened my eyes, she was still there. Walking away with them. I doubled my pace as my intentions were to catch up with her. I have loads of stories to share with her. She does not seem to be noticing my calling. And so, abruptly I decided to ran towards her and tapped her shoulder. She turned and looked at me. I was smiling, with hope that maybe she'll ditch the form 5s and come with me instead. She just stood there and stared at me staring at her. 

It took approximately 30 seconds before the rest started laughing, and it was to my surprise that Andrea tailed the laughter. 

It hit me hard. Everything felt apart. Everything! I lost Jon, from the curry-puff incident. I was becoming a freak by each day and no one approached me unless I approached them. I lost the form 5s, for some reason that I'm not aware off. I lost Nabilah. And now Andrea! It was crucial. Everything in less than a month. 

God was really testing me. 

Jon's calling

I was walking alone, aware that everyone has every other person but me to hang out with. It was a deserted hallway and I could here Form 5s chatters from up there. Jon's voice, being familiar enough suddenly called my name and approached me. 

"Hey sakina!" He shouted, halfway across the hallway. I walked towards him eagerly without any patience. I half hoped that maybe, he could accept me back as a friend, because I was really in need of one.

"Sakina, I have to tell you something." He started out with a serious voice. His stern eyes made his serious voice a shame loser compared to it. He continued "You know..."

And there was a knock on the door. "What?!" I mumbled, trying to get my words right. 

"Ina! Kumon!" My mom shouted, the door being the barrier between her world of reality and mine, full of fantasies. I grunted annoyingly and closed my eyes, focusing on the dream, hoping to hear what Jon had to say. 

The knock on the door was louder this time. "What?!" I shouted this time, my voice filled the empty room. 

"It's 3.15! You have tuition at 4.30!" my mom, being the mom that she is, reminded me. 

I ignored her reminder and closed back my eyes, but my mind was wandering.

This time, my mom banged the door. I hopped out of the sofa and cursed "this is all **** up!" silently to myself. I opened the door and my mom's face, annoying then, was looking at me. It took a second for me to digest the information. 

I just realized that I woke up from a bad dream. My social life horror! I ignored my mom and closed back the door violently. I stared at myself in the mirror and noticed that I was still in my school uniform, looking awful. 

I was quiet and stunned for a moment, thanking god that the dream was not real. It seemed real enough when I was sleeping that I thought I woke up still being the looser that I was. 

Tears started to fall down my face. I was scolding myself for letting me be this pathetic. Then I started to realize, how important my friends are to me.

I knew it all couldn't be true. I don't hang out with the form 5s in the first place, except for a number of people. Nabilah is not a slut! She would never do that! And Andrea, I just know her too well, she wouldn't hang out with the form 5s, coincidentally alone. 

I began relaxing, but as soon as I started telling the dreams to my sister, I began to panic. There were signs. The signs were so clear.

It's a sign for me to be careful with my actions.

For whatever the reason is, I was really traumatized by my own dream that I think, I can't see another curry puff and not think about this dream. This has to be one of my wildest, most interesting dream.

Till later on,

♥ Sakina.