Today was okay. Can't complain much. The day started out as interesting and ended as boring.
I came to school, literally, the first face I saw was him. Well, the first face I NOTICED was his face. The first face I saw in school was some primary boy. But I went up to the upper secondary level, and his face was the first thing I noticed.
Paranoid enough, I timed in first. In the prefects room, the guys from my class mentioned that our classroom door is locked and that we can't get it. I rushed back to class, and believe it or not, there were bags, books, bottles and sweaters on top and all around the locker. The Form 4 science students were lingering outside the corridor, some being paranoid about their homework, others were happy that we get to miss the first few minutes of BM. I was in the happy category. I had no mood, whatsoever to have anything to do with education this morning.
So, we lingered around. Watching other people coming in and out of their classes. I was excited enough, that I couldn't feel my heart being nervous! Yay! An achievement!
Nothing much afterwards. The false wave, what I like to call. Only I know what it means. :) And whoever is smart enough to figure out.
After that, nothing much interesting. We couldn't get much studying done this whole day! The only serious and quiet lesson was only Mathematics because we had a Topical Test and that too, Mr. Yap went out early.
Oh yeah, ditched BFC! Hans came in the morning and the first thing she told me was "Sqeen, I'm not going to BFC today!". I was shouting like a mad person! She's the only partner I had for BFC. We were the only secondary girls. Let's make that secondary students, joining that Football club. Well, unless Razim 'coaches' then it'll be 3 of us. But he has add math class and he wouldn't ditch it unless Ms. Sugada's teaching them Circles and Triangles because according to him, it's not important. Rite.. :D
And as for after assessments, Dayana said that she'll join! Score!
Ahh! Now.. Literally no one is officially online. Danial just said his goodbye and left me alone!
What I'm planning to do: Sleep, maybe. Or maybe not. See what's best.
I'm not sure how much of this I can handle. I came home, went in my room and the first thing I was tempted to see was the frame that had our pictures in it.
But every time I look at it, I'll quickly look away, as if I don't want to be reminded about us, about my relationship with him. I rather not being reminded about it. Somehow, it tears my heart apart.
I'm just curious enough though. I must seriously like this guy. I hate myself for falling so hard!! It's hard, believe it or not. Especially when you're like me. Easily paranoid and obsessed about something.
But yeah, I fake a smile or a laugh to ensure that he sees that everything is fine. Because, physically it is, but emotionally, well, it's just the irony of what you see on my face.
Another thing I don't get is... Do I make it THAT obvious? I mean, people are starting to ask. But okay, whatever. I'm happy where I am now, I'm planning to not think about him too much or else, I can't get any work done.
Uggh, I'm trying so hard to get over you. But there's two problems, every time I try to swim towards the shore of reality and sanity, your tide will just pull me back deeper in your ocean of love and fantasy. And so, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO GET OVER YOU?
And the other thing is, I DON'T WANT TO GET OVER YOU.
So please, stop myself from being paranoid.
And to those who are reading, don't worry, I'm still sane and I haven't lost my mind yet. I'm still normal at school. Well, most part of school anyway.
♥, Still paranoid...
Sakina!
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